He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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