Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize