i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
