nutella sex= disaster
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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