So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
