The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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