hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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