My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
