I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
