let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
