I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
