I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
