The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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