I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
