Have you finally orgasmed yet?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
