I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
