Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
