You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
