we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
