dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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