just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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