i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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