Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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