Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
