my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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