ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
