I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
