She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
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Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
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I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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