Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
