I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize