you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
