yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
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Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
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she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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