I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
