If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
