MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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