Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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