this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
God I need to hump something, right now.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
