i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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