My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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