So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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