He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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