I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
