Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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