cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
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she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
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Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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