Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
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You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
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Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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