im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
