i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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