Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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