My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
