When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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