I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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