I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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