Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
