Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
