I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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