Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
