Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
