You're so nebulous sometimes
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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